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[03 Jan 2008|07:43pm] |
i feel the need to update!
things are fine.
i worked a good 62+ hours every week for the past 2-3 weeks thanks to CHRISTMAS.
christmas day felt like a blur.
i got an ipod from the tude!
and tires/corningwear/ASPICE RACK -- other things from parents
AND A SONIC GIFT CARD FROM BROTHERRR> yessss.
went to buffalo for new years. !
it was cold. we had a pretty sweet hotel. myself and adam went up first, met kat and torre the next day (SAW NIAGRA FALLS.) then ben, danielle and phantom showed up. got ready. went out.
bartender gave me big drinks.
got drunk.
ben pissed on a bank.
went to sleep after not finding ANY wings. wokeup hungover. all of us. pretty sweet. dressed ourselves in a combined million and two layers. went to ihop for the first time!!
got half off our check cause we waited so long.
WENT TO THE WINTER CLASSIC.
experience 5 types of snow.
we won.
drove home on MAJORLY bad roads. took 7 hours.
safe.
now. im getting sushi. goodbye!
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[08 Dec 2007|11:30am] |
@2007
º¡
ºi figured out how to make cute key things like that
º i touched ben roethlisberger (AND HE'S CUUUUTE)
º i wrecked my car
º i thought i had cancer
º i got out of the worst "relationship?" of my life
º i got fired from my job
º my bank account got LOW
º me & vodka got tight
º writers went on strike
º i touched james harrison (AND HE'S HUUUUGE)
º i made a lot of new friends. ones that i need to keep around
º i cried more in one year than i have in the past 5
º i got a new jorb that makes me look good.
º i got OLDER. ew.
º my mom tells me she thinks i should get head shots to start a modeling portfolio (23 IS YOUNG RIGHT?? :/)
º i saw glass and plants.
º adam wrecked his car and made me sad.
º i went to pegasus for the first time and saw my senior year homecoming date. :( and he's cute. with a boyfriiend.
º i was in my cousins wedding and got real drunk with my family and my 16 year old brother had to drive me home ON HIS PERMIT. hahahahah love himmm.
º i still cant feel my left knee and i can accept that
º i KEPT blonde hair.
º i got proposed to by use of a bolt. from a couch.
º i said no.
º i made a lot of bad choices that seemed BRILLIANT at the time. (southside? no shoes? LETS DO IT)
º i got called a lot of bad names and didnt deserve a single one of them.
º i didnt have cancer.
º my planets shifted
º i feel comfortable and so out of place everywhere.
2007 moreor less sucked this year. one month to prove itself.
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[15 Oct 2007|11:39pm] |
i think its funny how life turns out sometimes.
the people you never seem to think twice about turn out to be the people who share the most with you.
while the people you put your heart into, turn out being the ones who let you down the most.
classic case of ignorance in not giving some enough credit?
as well as ignorance in allowing yourself to be taken advantage of?
whichever, ive come to appreciate the qualities of some whom i never expected to posess the qualities that they do. im admiring the people that i never noticed before as actual people. im realizing now the reasons i only ever heard stuff ABOUT them and not from them.
maybe i should be more aware of my surroundings.
and more aware of my own qualities.
feels like every day i get two steps closer to where i need to be. and every day i get caught up in something i dont need to be involved in. its a never ending cycle that just keeps rewinding and replaying.
people will speak for themselves. and i have no right to judge. ill learn that.
the corner pieces are down.
puzzles suck!
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[13 Oct 2007|01:03pm] |
what im looking for in life is something that everyone else seems to have.
and something that i could probably have if i didnt live here.
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[03 Oct 2007|08:22am] |
lasik?
i might be getting that NEXT FRIDAY. scaaaryyyy.
and.
one day after my OWNER has a stern word about my sales... i sell $1500 in an HOUR. more than doubling my sales from last week. ha.
i should maybe shower this morning. feels like one of those days.
and i keep having these dreams. they make me PRITTY SADD when i wake up. cause they are totally not real.
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| sweet revelation |
[27 Sep 2007|08:19pm] |
in a week everything was falling apart.
in one day everything came together.
i dont know if i have ever been as mentally, emotionally, and physically tried as i was this past week.
between health, friendships, decisions, everything. it was a lot to look at all at once. a lot to come to terms with. one of those situations where you cant do anything until its just over.
i spent most of the week in my head (past 8-9 days actually).
i did things. i saw people. but i didnt offer anything.
and now that ALL of it is clear... i have to say it wasnt as bad as what it couldve been.
i grew up.
not in that week but it was within this week that i realized that i had.
im actually kinda proud of myself for not completely breaking down. moving on is like moving up. i know that i can put myself in better situations now. think before i act. be more aware of what im doing and who im doing it with. be cautious of where i lay my trust. and understand that some things really wont or cant change no matter how badly i want them to.
my life is moving on with better knowledge of what it can do.
im still weak in areas. but i can deal with that. i think its part of my charm.
first episode of the FOURTH season of the office is on in 15.
im so in.
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[22 Sep 2007|03:34pm] |
im all mixed up.
my doctors thing went okay. but im still sore 5 days later. she said at most ill have to come back in 6 months for a regular exam.. but at the same time, i havent heard anything from them.
in other news. i guess i could say some things suck. but its not worth talking about. bitching about. whatever. its probably just best to grow up and move past it without crying about it. sometimes keeping out of it is the only/best thing. you get what you give. heh im reminded daily of that phrase of "do unto others." and i wont go off and say that im always doing right, but im prepared for apologies and consequences. im not really one to throw hissy fits anymore. im learning how to handle things in a fairly distinguished manner. im tired of holding back how i actually feel about it, but at the same time im not gonna scream and cry and seek revenge. i figure if i can get my point across directly, its fair. ha i guess in war terms i could be related to the cold one. so be it.
i rearranged my room today. sort of. i got it almost all the way done, but im second guessing myself. im afraid of hitting my head every morning. ill learn i guess, but will others? not that i have a new bed partner every other day. but for the future. heh i guess its not really my problem though. i mean its my room. and im the main sleeper. i just talked myself into it!
moving on - im getting lasik. maybe. i need to get a consultation. oct 2. but BEFORE that, i have to wear my glasses for x amount of days (all the days leading up to it), and in order to get the surgery i have to have them out for 21 days mandatory. day two right here. i kind of hate it. i kind of dont even know if i want to get it done. im kind of afraid to get this consultation --- im afraid of hearing "we can do it but you're still gonna need to wear contacts." gross. if thats the case, im gonna take these stupid glasses off and make an eye appointment to get new lenses. durrr.
i found a hair color that im pretty happy with. and they discontinued the color. ha.
i bought two pairs of boots yesterday. $60 TOTAL. seems like a lot. but i got two pairs. so i guess it couldve been a lot worse. one might be going back. the toe is really pointy. eh.
ive met some good people. work is good. money is cool. family is good. im kinda sleepy but i can fix that right quick with some starbucks. friends are good too. these weekly get togethers have been nice. even if its just for football. maybe i can start jamming everyone into my little living room since adams moving home. carpool. :]
and. im working on redecorating the downstairs too. see ya later old dirty pink recliner. i need to get a light fixed. oooh.. and my dishwasher.... haha. i guess after a year of slacking with it and doing my own dishes, i might as well just get it done.
fin!
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[13 Sep 2007|12:15am] |
i just want to feel OKAY.
waiting. and not knowing. and not being able to DO anything about it is probably the WORST.
all i was told was "... well. we just need to see you as soon as possible. and you should start taking a multi vitamin to get your cells healthy"
too bad asap isnt til middle of october. sooo i have about a month to wonder how severe it actually is. and whether or not some pills will get rid of it, or if i need to continue FARTHER on with this.
luckily i have people i can talk to about this. who know what its like. or who just at least know how to make it feel okay. but even so, its just not a good feeling. and its chewing at the back of my mind. and it makes me think of all the things that ive done that MAYBE --- if i didnt do them --- this wouldnt be a problem. im angry at a lot of things. people are careless. im careless. not only that, but i knew better. but i was trying to "follow my heart." GOOD IDEA.
i know i cant let this piss me off all day every day. but its hard not to think about.
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[09 Sep 2007|07:41pm] |
an update?
i am HIGHLY irritable right now.
maybe a mix of being tired and hungry. im just frustrated.
kitty is INSANE. i dont go a day without getting scratched. i dont know whats going on with that.
i got this letter that was sent to my parents house from my woman doctor. i had another bad result. have to go in and get checked again... but not the standard way. im pissed. im pissed and i dont understand why this happens. this is the SECOND time. if theres something wrong with me, figure it out. there was a big instructional letter to go along with it on things i need to do to "prepare." which arent anything out of the ordinary. except that they suggest to take some form of pain killer (tylonol, ibuprophen.. ) before coming in. basically saying "this IS gonna hurt. be ready"
thats the last thing i need.
i have such a general distaste towards sex to begin with. now this?
it may not even be anything! BUT STILL. (for the record. this has NOTHING to do with any form of std.)
it just pisses me off.
that southern boy is more or less a bust. i had high hopes for him. from knowing him for so long. assuming he had changed his ways from college. figured he deserved a shot. but i gave him PLENTY of shots. he hasnt changed. he's... i dont even know.
im so fed up with it.
when i try to talk to him like i do to my friends, or try to vent to him about something, or talk to him about a problem im having... he pretty much as no concept on how to BE THERE for someone. ill be talking.. and as im talking he's either blowing off the situation telling me its "no big deal".. or he's throwing out suggestions when im not even ASKING for a suggestion im just explaining something that is done and over with. getting things off my chest. and when i get frustrated with him for doing that he gets angry and says "WHY THE HELL DID YOU EVEN CALL ME IN THE FIRST PLACE? why the hell are you even telling me this then?? just so you can fight with me??"
no, asshole. i called you because i needed someone to talk to. i just wanted someone to listen for 5 minutes.
then it ends up in a huge argument about how i have no heart and im always a bitch and then he'll hang up on me.
why? im not sure. crazy? yeah maybe.
and now he's in this phase where... if i dont contact him.. its probably because "i dont care about him anymore." he's mad at me when he doesnt know if im okay. understandable, but heres the kicker... when he doesnt know if im okay ---- he wont ever try to get ahold of me to find out. he just WAITS until i say something. then he's mean because i must not care enough about him to let him know that im safe.
bullshit.
if you want to know, call me up. shoot me a text. see if i respond. if i dont respond for 24 hours... but then i decide to get ahold of you 28 hours later... yeah. you can be pissed. out of concern obviously. BUT IF YOU"RE NOT TALKING TO ME --- im not obligated to give you 3 hour updates on my health status. ESPECIALLY if thats all you really care about.
but obviously, if i say anything along these lines to him... its somehow my fault because im a bitch who has no heart. and i should WANT to tell him what im doing. and i should WANT to talk to him.
FUNNY THING ISSS --- its a two way street! and i DO want to talk to him LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. but my god, if all i have to look forward to in a conversation is getting put down, IM NOT ALL ABOUT THAT. i think im a decent person. i deserve a little respect.
moving on.
life otherwise is alright.
im looking into lasik. i have to make an appointment soooon to see if im even eligible to get it.
my social status is on the rise. ive found a nice balance between work and play and i think a lot of that has to do with that fact that a) i work with people i consider friends and b) im not exhausted and pissed off when i get home after working. IN FACT, im not even disgusting enough that i feel as though i HAVE to go home before i go out after work. a quick touch up is all i need.
im kinda happy about that. yeah maybe i should be looking for a design job. maaaybe something that pays me more? maybe something that offers better health benefits. but im content. im doing well. mentally its the most sane ive felt in a long time.
AND since i have a good bit of time on my hands at work, ive been MORE into magazines than normal. (which was hard to beat in the first place so you could only imagine..). but im definitely more inspired to do new things now. like i want to learn how to cook something good. i want to do something with myself. i want to become more organized. i want to paint something. i can feel that its a slow process to begin, but if i keep it up with the reading and ideas running through my head, ill get there.
all i have is time anyway. life isnt going anywhere.
other than that. ive been on a good page with people. i dont feel as pressured to be doing things now. or as pressured for decisions. and adam and i have lots of good ideas to go out and do, which gives me things to look forward to. AND my friends that were kind of disappearing before (kelly, jed, brian, ect..) are all crawling back out. what makes it BETTER is that life picks up right from where it was! like we never lost touch. good things.
mix of good and bad. luckily the good outweighs the bad. and hopefully the bad isnt as bad as what it seems right now.
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[23 Aug 2007|09:55am] |
i. am. frustrated.
its the little things really. maybe its cause its that time of the month. but really.. i think its cause people suck.
im moving on. mentally. a month ago i thought that going out and getting drunk was like... what i needed to be DOING. you're not cool unless you're doing that right? i mean, dont get me wrong, its still a top choice pasttime. but the difference is who its with. heh all the kids i work with ask me about what exciting things i did over the weekend. i tell them. they say "you didnt like.. go OUT out?" nooo. "why not?" a. i was with the people i like. b. i saved money. c. i didnt have to drive drunk!
whats the big deeeeeaaal. there probably isnt one. im just frustrated.
but at the same time. IM NOT. ha
work puts me in another world. i work with good people. they put me in a good mood. when i come home im completely content with just spending time on my own. and at the same time, im in a more social mood too, so if i had plans, im more likely to follow through. if i dont have plans im happy being home doing my own things.
ha. looking at the clock now. i would have just opened the store. cooool.
im going in at 2.
maybe ill clean. and paint my nails. in prep for saturday. i always kinda forget howmuch fun i have with certain people until i actually hangout with them again. stupid that i dont lock that into my memory bank sooner.
lates.
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[21 Aug 2007|11:31pm] |
first things first.
i need this : http://www.swell.com/jump.jsp?itemID=5580&itemType=PRODUCT&path=1%2C2%2C5%2C39%2C204&iProductID=5580
k.
moving on.
so adams birthday was cool. went to sandcastle with him on saturday in my amazingly mismatching (but somehow still matching) bathing suit. locked the car in the parking lot but left my window WIDE open. purse, wallet, phone.. EVERYTHING was in there... and amazingly enough.. nothing got stolen. the car wasnt even unlocked. LUCKY.
went back to his place ::: key not ::: prior to sandcastle.. i was at target and some man was GIVING AWAY kittens. i couldnt help myself. i took one. for adam. he says i gave him heartbreak for his birthday cause he knew he couldnt keep her ::::
anyway. cutest kitten in the world. we went back and played with it. watch the game. made a cake. made some pretty decent from scratch mojitos. they needed more sugar, but they did the job. slept with kittn ( i named her cleopatra)
went to lunch with his family. went to mall. bought new favorite pair of jeans for less than what i expected to pay.
gave newest kitty to lovesac co-worker, james. he's a sweetheart. as soon as he got her home he texted me tosay that he thinks he's in love. and keeps talking about how small she is. it makes me happy to know shes in good hands. and the fact that he lives in crafton is like a double bonus.
been busy.
saw superbad tonight afer eating at fridays. hilarious. and delicious.
tomorrow may be my first definite night off.
pseudo plans with jen on saturday. FIRST NIGHT going OUT out in a while. ive gone out. but i wanna really do it up. i wanna wear a dress. do my hair. do the makeup. maybe even do the nails. girls night style. if you're a girl and you feel like bitching about lame bars and dumb guys and life in general, you may not come. BUT . if you're a girl and would like to come out to hopefully have a really stress free, good booty shakin time, please. join.
theend.
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[15 Aug 2007|11:35pm] |
quite frankly
im exhausted.
vacation was amazing.
first thing that got m e going --- sonic. within an eyeshot of the house. total walking distance. surprisingly we only went once --- in an imaginary bus.
a bagpiping unicyclist came and did his song and dance for us the next night. really entertaining.
shopping was a bust, but that meant more money that was SAVED. score.
we had 2-3 days worth of dolphins. and not just a few splashes. dolphins close enough to where you could see their faces. and the lines that separate the white bellies from the silver backs. they were doing flips and jumps. it was pretty neat.
the water was freezing but the waves were awesommme. good for surfers. good for everyone.
even though the water was freezing it was sooo freaking hot there that it was nice.
i got a killer tan.
had a water balloon..g ame.. with the neighbors. they held a bat. we shot balloons at them.
and seriously, the best. food. EVER. tacos, burgers, steaks, crab, eggplant. you name it.
and lots of wine.
and more square dancing.
and billy swore. ha.--- that night sucked but the rest of them were awesommme.
so when i get home. went to adams to hang. spent sunday cause it was my last free day.
and ive been working ever since.
the job is pretty awesome. the people are great.
first day i went to the cheescake factory with my manager and another girl for lunch. we took an hour. and didnt punch out.
second day manager bought us blizzards.
from the sounds of it.. i should be getting pretty fat.
BUT. i basically spend all day either --- standing around. fluffing freaking huuuuge bags (80-100lbs.). talking to weird kids. talking to weird parents. or talking to the sweet employees (they dont beat topic, but they ARE pretty good).
today was my third day. we had some shipment come in. I MADE THOSE BOYS LISTEN TO ME. and they did.
torren gave me shit. sort of. then he just glared at me. pointed at me. and did it.
i THINK most of them are 20. but. they act like they are freaking 25. and drink like --- well.. i guess like they are 20. i might be the oldest person there. period.
someone said that they THINK brian (the manager) is 23. --- i think he's 24.
ha but either way. its fun. they are good kids. its kinda just what i was looking for honestly. they act like me. click with me. do the things that i do.
so.
good for that.
and also today.. i had girl doctor appointment and learned some scary things about hpv. --- ya know. the stuff that causes cancer and warts and herpes. it wasnt just scary. it was terrifying.
im investing in the shots. they are 98% effective up til you're 26 then it starts dropping down.
so now that im busy like whoa... everyone wants to hangout. ha. it always goes like that right?
i think after this week is done ill be a lot more level with what i have to do. right now im just scattered. everything happened at once. ohwell. what can you do? life is nice. cant complain.
other than im exhausted.
and read in a magazine that good skin comes from the right amount of sleep.
whats up pillowww.
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| off my chest. |
[14 Aug 2007|01:38am] |
ake00500 (1:25:33 AM): most people are completely satisfied with the mediocrity of their daily life
jake00500 (1:25:53 AM): they go to their stupid retail management job, they go home, they put on their "metal" outfit, they go to the bar.
jake00500 (1:25:55 AM): etc.
jake00500 (1:25:56 AM): forever
jake00500 (1:25:59 AM): that's nto sexy
i dont even KNOW the kid. fEck him.
people are so unimpressive anymore.
you wanna try to act cool? dont effing put down other peoples way of life.
dont flaunt your damn paycheck. talking about ---ooooo how MUCh you maaake---- like THATS really goona make me thinkyou're any cooler.
people like that right there are straight up PRICKS.
that "satisfaction in mediocrity" is called HAPPINESS. people satisfied with mediocre JOBS have their own, above mediocre, happiness ELSEWHERE. in family, friends, and a true life. something that people similar to this dude here, will probably never have.
if you have your goals set to where you want to be known and do great things and make a ton of money.. thats fine. whatever. good people do great things. they do what they love, love what they do.
but the SECOND you start talking about "other people" and their "mediocre lifestyles" thats when YOU become lower than dirt. YOU are self centered. YOU are pretentious. YOU are the greed that makes everyone so filthy materialistic. YOU lose sight of what life really is.
dont come to me with your social problems. your views on what ambition really is.
just because YOU do it, doesnt make you the hero. the pinnacle of all that people should aspire to be.
just makes you another self centered, materialistic, egocentric, stuck up snob with no personality beyond your own, most likely, world of hell where life has no blessings, no moments of actual joy, no real happiness, no real love. its just a cover for your own lack of esteem. putting down others for their WAGES? for THEIR choices? for what they do to support THEIR families and maintain their lives? you could have nothing but a black pit of a soul that doesnt know anything other than objects, glamour, and expensive sounding words that you can show off to your other high and mighty pretentious friends, while making fun of the "lesser" people who have a family, who have friends, who have love surrounding them because they are good people who dont ask for much. just for what they need.
the rest of the world goes on without you.
kindness, modesty, humbleness.
if you want REAL success.. REAL wealth in your life..
what a prick.
and he wants to tell me whats "not sexy". oh. im sorry "nto sexy"
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[01 Aug 2007|10:02pm] |
can i interest you in a sack?
haha. sweet. im taking that job tomorrow. met with the manager today. super adorable (in a... set him up with my favorite guy friend kind of way... if you know what i mean ------ and i cant make a POSITIVE judgement yet, but yeah..)
the pay isnt what i wanted. BUT. he said after 3 months (instead of 6) we can renegotiate.
aaand basically. what it is... is that...though he is the manager.. he's more or less a district manager. and though i would be assistant manager. im mostly the STORE manager. in a sense that, i will be there. i will make the schedule. i will solve the minor problems. i will be the go-to. i will be the one to get everyone elses butts in gear. he is only there one day a week.
AND. since i make the schedule. i make MY schedule. and i work HOWEVER MANY hours i want. im sure to a point. but i asked if it was full time and he said "we could work it out that way! .. i mean its up to you. work 30 hours. work 40 hours. work weekends, evenings, mornings.. whatever you want"
saweeet.
to top it off. his "crew" that he has set up in the store knows EVERYTHING. so i dont have to push them too hard. i hope.
my only concern is... will this crew that knows everything be able to accept a newcomer coming in... having to learn from them... and then telling them what they need to be doing...? could get sticky for a bit.
i dont mind. it sounds sweet. i sell bean bags. wear what i want. listen to what i want. keep people in line. get a sweet "manager" title to put on a resume. im GOLDEN.
now to figure out applebees..
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[01 Aug 2007|11:52am] |
conversation excerpt taken from a discussion about feeling like normal people but having this deep down feeling that we may be crazies.
i had said that people must like crazies cause neither he nor i are shut ins, and we're not total creepazoids.. and thus goes the story:
Ian : im not very social though
Ian : i like being alone
cherrycrush320 : ditto
cherrycrush320 : but i still have friends
Ian : yea
cherrycrush320 : who. i dont THINK.. hate me
Ian : yea
Ian : i wonder sometimes too
cherrycrush320 : i have some friends that are a little off
cherrycrush320 : and you hear people mention it when they arent around. but its not like anyone doesnt like them. its just an accepted fact that so in so is off their rocker sometimes.
Ian : yea same here
cherrycrush320 : and i almost wonder if they say the same thing about me. but keep me around for the entertainment
Ian : i doubt it
Ian : you are a very pretty girl
Ian : if anything they keep you around cuz of that
haha oooh man.
that crossed my mind too though.
all in all. july has sucked i think.
i mean. ive had some AWESOME weekends. casino, camping, uncle bobs, total wastedness, wedding, jersey, harry potter... come to think of it, july has been AWESOMEEE. but. my mood for july. burn in hell. i dont know why.
im ready for august. maybe ill turn a new leaf.
beach in... 4 days.
i am determined to figure out why kitty smells like dust all the time.
im not dirty. SHE SHOULDNT BE DIRTY.
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| probably blonde |
[01 Aug 2007|12:32am] |
conversation excerpt taken from a discussion about feeling like normal people but having this deep down feeling that we may be crazies.
i had said that people must like crazies cause neither he nor i are shut ins, and we're not total creepazoids.. and thus goes the story:
Ian : im not very social though
Ian : i like being alone
cherrycrush320 : ditto
cherrycrush320 : but i still have friends
Ian : yea
cherrycrush320 : who. i dont THINK.. hate me
Ian : yea
Ian : i wonder sometimes too
cherrycrush320 : i have some friends that are a little off
cherrycrush320 : and you hear people mention it when they arent around. but its not like anyone doesnt like them. its just an accepted fact that so in so is off their rocker sometimes.
Ian : yea same here
cherrycrush320 : and i almost wonder if they say the same thing about me. but keep me around for the entertainment
Ian : i doubt it
Ian : you are a very pretty girl
Ian : if anything they keep you around cuz of that
haha oooh man.
that crossed my mind too though.
all in all. july has sucked i think.
i mean. ive had some AWESOME weekends. casino, camping, uncle bobs, total wastedness, wedding, jersey, harry potter... come to think of it, july has been AWESOMEEE. but. my mood for july. burn in hell. i dont know why.
im ready for august. maybe ill turn a new leaf.
beach in... 4 days.
i am determined to figure out why kitty smells like dust all the time.
im not dirty. SHE SHOULDNT BE DIRTY.
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[26 Jul 2007|05:05pm] |
so. i think im the newest server at applebees.
yaaaaay.
ha. im gonna have to suck it up for this one. its applebees. i know. BUT. 50% off food discount. me and a guest. even when im not working (sweeeet). the guy said on an average afternoon shift (3-4 hours) i could pull in about 100 bucks. nice. but if its slow. maybe 15 bucks. baddd.
then. he said on a normal work week with a few night shifts his servers can get about 700 a week. NICE.
whatever. he said he can train me a little in bartending too when the time is right.
i had thought about going to bartending school. i otld him about it and he actually steered me the other way saying that people sometimes wont hire people that went to school for it cause at school they learn the tricks on how to steal alcohol from places. so. SWEET that i didnt go i guess.
ive been applying to a million places it seems.
one more place that im REALLY hoping to hear back from. even though i think i have a decent setup with applebees right now, being a manager somewhere MIGHT rake me in a little more dough. we'll see what the wages and hours are like. and it'd be suuuper sweet to just be able to WALK to the topic after work to pick up a second shift.
ramble ramble.
i woke up at 4am today. BEAT THAT SUCKERS.
then fell asleep aroundddddd 7 or 8. and woke up at 9. haha
i have mango mojitos. brians coming to visit me maybe.
later.
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[20 Jul 2007|04:26pm] |
stepping down.
ive noticed. theres no point in me being tough and sticking to my guns and telling people straight up what i think. it only makes people want to argue. and i hate arguing. and i hate when people just keep repeating their same stupid ideas over and over when i straight up DONT AGREE.
i should just agree.
i should say "you're right, im wrong" more often.
i should feed the egos of all the fat heads out there more often.
ill probably have more friends. or ill probably break a lot more people down.
they'll put down their guards and ill have a thru-way.
life isnt easy. and ive just been making it harder.
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[11 Jul 2007|12:35pm] |
im tired of being "pretty".
you know, i grew up being nothing. no one looked my way until i was 15?
and even then i was just average. the more i grew, the more i learned on how to take care of myself.
the better care i took of myself the more problems.
between guys and girls. lovin and hatin too much. cause they think im "pretty."
im not used to this.
i liked having my friends in highschool. when they liked me when i was just average.
forgive me if i do my hair now.
i dont sleep around. i dont steal boys. im not a backstabber. i dont laugh at "ugly people."
real beauty comes from inside. and its true. ive seen some hotttt girls that just SUCK. they arent pretty at all. and if a guy is gonna leave me for that, he's not the kind of guy i need. that goes for everyone. a lot of girls suck.
i dont.
i know i dont.
people just think i do cause i either smile too much, or not enough. because im average height. cause i have blue eyes. whatever it is.
my intentions are to just.. be what i want to be. with whomever i want to be that with at whatever time i choose.
yeah. bossy. i want my way. who doesnt? i think thats natural. but that doesnt make me a bad person.
it doesnt make me a bad person to be friends with. or a person that wants to sleep with you just cause you think you're hot.
honestly. i want REAL love. yeah that doesnt come from me very often. but a mutual love that isnt based on how good we look together. that doesnt revolve around jealousy. safe love. trustworthy love. lord knows looking like this will last as long as it took me to get like this im sure. it comes just as quickly as it goes.
i dont want to be "pretty"
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[05 Jul 2007|01:27am] |
KNOW WHAT SUCKS?
- having someone mistake me for my BROTHERS GIRLFRIEND.
- driving reeeeeeeaaally slow in almost standstill traffic down 79 in an almost 45 minute hold up and then pass up a demolished car and someone half hanging out of a body bag.
disturbring.
KNOW WHATS AWESOME??
- being actually SERVED mudslides at a family reunion.
- having kitty back because i missed her a lot.
- making amends with jon. and finding out that i dont really hate him after all.
- being able to be around bonz without thinking he's gonna try to marry me if i stand too close to him.
- new friends.
- adam coming to fireworks.
- sitting way up high on the bridge to watch fireworks.
- my little brother is funny.
- i have areally bad laugh.
- kitty is home?
- i have a good family.
- i paid my rent on time.
- jon hates his job. haha (it really does make me feel better. sorry)
i keep blacking out.
seconds worth. things all zoom together real fast and its black. like the darkest blink ever.
its not scary, its just peculiar.
im gonna start looking for a job in a serious manner. or as seriously as i can for the time being.
my cousin gets married NEXT WEEKEND. ahhh!!
i have to do their (wedding party) makeup. im having a tough time deciding. shes pretty indifferent.
its a thousand degrees in my room.
i read the best article in elle magazine about anti depressants vs opiates.
overall. im okay.
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